This is so surreal, I didn't plan for this or you, but yet it is happening and I am so emotional because it. I am not going to lie, I talk myself out of it a million times a day but I can not seem to get you off of my mind ever, I even dream of you and more then anything I know that God wants this for me, for us and mostly for you.
Our lawyer said that during the home study "they do not want perfect" and they aren't looking for it either, "thank God", relief is all that I felt because I am so far from it. He also said a 1 bedroom is more then enough, you do what you can and never need to feel like you need to live outside your means.
We are planning to get custody of you even before you are born, gregg thought this was best. With hesitation, I agreed. This is so new to me and I am not going to lie, your dad is so confident and peaceful, accepting and seems prepared. I however am scared to death. There is no other way to explain it. So much can go wrong, this is life changing, am I ready?
....but I keep reminding myself so much can go right! What ever the outcome, I know it is of God's will and I have to accept what is planned for me. This whole thing just seems right though. The way that it happened, and then didn't happen and then happened again. The way that Aaron led us to Gregg and Gregg seems like home, especially for this.
As I am writing this my mind is still racing, but weirdly Gregg answered so many questions that have also brought peace. He laughed at me with remark of "I just love how you are so upfront and blurt out direct questions, that you want answered, then and there, with no error" but soon you will learn that is me, and I have always been this way.
Gregg got onto the computer and emailed CPS and because of that you don't have to worry when you make your arrival, they said that since he was in contact with them, they would notify the department and their supervisors that you had a home, you have a home!
The weirdest thing happened to me while waiting in the lawyer's office. There was a well aged older gentleman and a halfway aged woman whom I assumed was his daughter. The butterflies came out in chatter as I began to ask them questions. They happened to be your dad's grandmothers best friends Jay and Bev and spoke of the house your dad and I have shared so many memories and holidays in. I had a very good hour conversation with them and we wished each other good lucks and went our separate ways.
When I imagine you in my mind this is who I know you'll resemble. Get strong, grow healthy we have a big family that can't wait to meet you and love on you.
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