I always will remember, everything
If we could start again, would that have changed the end?
We remember everything. Everything.
I DO NOT OWN ^^ THESE LYRICS OR THIS SONG, I AM USING THEM FOR REFERENCE MATERIAL ONLY!
Haunting, is the word that I would use to describe this song. You can tell that the person singing has been through some shit...I to have had my fair share and my vehicles radio has had it's fair share of this song replayed, again and again. This song came to mind tonight because I am TERRIFIED of what I will remember and what I've already forgot. For now I can not forget a HOUSE episode of a young lady, who remembered everything and I mean EVERYTHING or was it she couldn't forget anything? She was brilliant. Coincidentally this particular episode aired in 2011, and I didn't see it until it was a rerun in 2012 and by then my husband was already diagnosed, with the same disease that this woman had... by the time I saw it I was an "expert" in the medical field, with no prior training. The hour long viewing came to conclusion with me screaming to my husband " I fucken' knew it!"
But knowing didn't help her or my husband. Even though an actor, HOUSE's, genuinely sympathetic diagnoses, didn't help me.
September 27th 2o12 my twenty-five year old husband was diagnosed with a T E R M I N A L disease. Looking back I wished they would of withheld the terminal part for the end of the horrible news encore because devastation causes deafness and I still, to this day, five months later do not understand this condition or what these physicians "playing God" had to say for the rest of that two hour appointment. I have googled my little heart out but, psychically, never have gotten over that word. One word;T E R M I N A L robbed me and I have been a hostage ever since.
So Hello I am Lilly who cognitively stopped progressing from that day, that minute, literally, seriously I AM AWARE OF IT, but can not change it. Just speaking about it causes a knot in my chest and in this case, acceptance isn't the first step. I accepted months ago that I have been through some shit but then this "new" me comes in and adds to the exhaustion of figuring it out, or attempting to. Prior to April I was never so sure of myself: fast forward to February and I catch a break from the cognitive lapses to realize that I have became this way out of fear, because of love, and unwillingness to surrender. I'm selfish! I'm devastated! but some how I know that I am blessed
September 27th 2o12 my twenty-five year old husband was diagnosed with a T E R M I N A L disease. Looking back I wished they would of withheld the terminal part for the end of the horrible news encore because devastation causes deafness and I still, to this day, five months later do not understand this condition or what these physicians "playing God" had to say for the rest of that two hour appointment. I have googled my little heart out but, psychically, never have gotten over that word. One word;
So Hello I am Lilly who cognitively stopped progressing from that day, that minute, literally, seriously I AM AWARE OF IT, but can not change it. Just speaking about it causes a knot in my chest and in this case, acceptance isn't the first step. I accepted months ago that I have been through some shit but then this "new" me comes in and adds to the exhaustion of figuring it out, or attempting to. Prior to April I was never so sure of myself: fast forward to February and I catch a break from the cognitive lapses to realize that I have became this way out of fear, because of love, and unwillingness to surrender. I'm selfish! I'm devastated! but some how I know that I am blessed
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