My name is Lilly and I am twenty three years old, I am trying to save the life of someone whom I can not. There are no books on how to deal with what I am dealing with, but I am trying to write one of my own, this one to help myself, my family and most of all my husband. I am making the war within my head public, because a year later my heart has swelled with unbelievable amounts of trauma, fear, anxiety, and nightmares that have suffocated me constantly of my voice, myself, and most of all love...my love. Even as I write this my "young brain" can not, lay off for just a minute, it is the child throwing a tantrum outside the bathroom door. I feel like a sniper listening to every sound in the middle of no where, but my sound is my twenty five year old beautiful husband sleeping and my no where is right here on our living room floor. Before April 2012 I would of thought this was heaven, but now I can not relax to escape my own hell. The hell that I created, but go through what I have and find a solution, find a cure, that's all I want and the words posted above could be deleted, erased and I would be Lilly twenty three years old not saving anyone's life, just Lilly....just a cure...
for the most beautiful person I've EVER laid eyes on, and there will never be a day these eyes do not tear up captivated by this moment in time. Staring at this allows me a minute to escape my myocardial infarction and screaming toddler inside my head and r-e-m-e-m-b-e-r...and I do, but there is a day that beats this day, and I will never forget either.
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