It makes me beyond terribly sad that my husband is so sick.  After four days of entirely no sleep for him, he finally fell asleep in his favorite lazy boy recliner with a container of Duff's red velvet cream cheese ice cream, (his favorite) in his lap. Honestly more got on his self proclaimed night shirt, favorite can't sleep without it blanket, and chair then in his body, but he hasn't lost his independence:) Of course I can not sleep, when he doesn't and especially when he does....out of fear. What if it happens again, what if I don't hear him, what if I am doing this because I want to look back and have these memories, but mostly I am afraid that it will be the day and I will do everything in my power to not let that happen. I love listening to him breath it calms my nerves.  I've never been a fan of Brandon's CPAP machine, don't get me wrong I sell that device daily to him like it is the fountain of youth, but it came along and disrupted my borderline frantic routine of life guard.  Tonight he isn't wearing it.  He should be, he need's it, but I try to relinquish some control and let him be as independent as possible...

I can't imagine how he feel's, physically and mentally.  EVERY single cell in your body, except red blood cells, is affected. Honestly I feel like mitochondrial patients are  like Bella and Edward's daughter, Renesme.  Beyond beautiful.  I can not believe that my husband's body is severely aged  from COX deficiency, but that he has a majestic appearance, maybe I imprinted and that's why, but you would think eight years later, I would be use to it by now, but I hope I never become. 

When Brandon becomes "hypoxic", when his brain does not receive enough oxygen, he says the funniest most memorable phrases.  Today he was snacking on teddy grams and as he was dipping them in milk, he said that my mother, his "best friend" quote: " would take somebody's knee's out for some teddy grams!" I love these moments, I laugh so hard and he is so serious.  He said " He knows she told him."